Commissioner DeSimone’s Draft Grades

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The Never Give Ups

Best Pick: All
Worst Pick: N/A

Before we get started, let’s just take a moment to appreciate what I’ve accomplished over the last four years:

2017 – won FFL championship
2016 – regular season title (lost in semis)
2015 – won FFL championship
2014 – regular season title (lost in semis, fuck Jay Cutler)

No, but JTB’s right — it’s all luck! It’s sad the excuses losers will come up with to try to explain away their ineptitude. 

Anywho, I think it’s finally time to acknowledge there’s a new GOAT in town and by the looks of my draft, a third title in four years is most definitely looming. David Johnson is a do-it-all back who is the focal point of the Arizona Cardinals’ offense and a repeat of his 2016 campaign (yeah, he scored 20 touchdowns that year) is not out of the question. My WR corps is tops in Fashwet (Keenan Allen, Mike Evans, JuJu Smith-Schuster, etc.) and Jimmy Graham could easily finish as a top four tight end with Aaron Rodgers now the one feeding him in the red zone. Idiots (JTB) may try to argue my RB2 spot is weak, but I have a stable of young, uber-talented runners who are ready to take the league by storm (Kerryon Johnson, Sony Michel, Aaron Jones, Corey Clement, Nick Chubb). Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned Cam Newton, who should find himself in the MVP conversation come year’s end. Another perfect draft from your commissioner.

Grade: A+

The Toddfathers

Best Pick: Todd Gurley (Round 1)
Worst Pick: Aaron Rodgers (2)

I hope DAN’s new house has a better foundation than the one he’s built for himself in this draft. Don’t get me wrong, Rodgers is unquestionably the best quarterback in fantasy football, but to take any QB in the second round is beyond stupid — there is just so much depth at the position. He could’ve drafted, say, Stefon Diggs or Mike Evans at that spot and still have been able to acquire Cam Newton or Russell Wilson in the fifth where he took Rex Burkhead (he has a tear in his knee, no big deal for a RB). Demaryius Thomas and Marquise Goodwin were decent value picks and he made the right decision at first overall, but the rest of DAN’s draft was almost as embarrassing as his engagement photos.

Grade: D+

Social Justice Warriors Too

Best Pick: Stefon Diggs (3)
Worst Pick: Greg Olsen (7)

Jay, who just clinched the playoffs in his rookie FLB season, continued to impress me with an exceptional FFL draft. Let’s take a look at his depth at RB and WR:

RB – Le’Veon Bell, Joe Mixon, Jay Ajayi, Gio Bernard, Jordan Wilkins
WR – Stefon Diggs, Brandin Cooks, Michael Crabtree, Julian Edelman

That’s some fucking Jimmy D shit right there.

Carson Wentz in the ninth round was an absolute steal (did everyone forget he was a lock to win MVP last year prior to his injury?) and there’s a chance he could be ready Week 1. And while I don’t love Olsen with all the mouths to feed in Carolina, he should still put up TE1 numbers if healthy. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to find myself face-to-face with Jay in the Fashwet Bowl.

Grade: A

Jonny Football

Best Pick: Jordan Howard (3)
Worst Pick: Marshawn Lynch (5)

I can only imagine how hard it must be for JTB to watch from the sidelines as I compete for and win FFL championships year after year. He’s been a force in FBA and, more recently, FLB, but can’t seem to get over the hump in FFL. However, with a strong draft on Sunday, he’s put himself in prime position to hoist the strap for the first time. JTB’s backfield (Ezekiel Elliott, Jordan Howard, Derrick Henry, Marshawn Lynch) is unparalleled in both talent and depth. I don’t understand why ESPN was so low on Drew Brees, but I see him improving on last year’s numbers and finishing as top five signal caller. Davante Adams will be a problem as Rodgers’ top target in Green Bay. The Rat’s only misstep was drafting Marshawn Lynch in the fifth round — he should have went with a wide receiver as he will now have to PP his way to an upgrade over Will Fuller V. I hate you, but good job!

Grade: A-

Fuck All Of You

Best Pick: Jimmy Garappolo (13)
Worst Pick: LeSean McCoy (2)

If anyone can remember, there was once a time we considered Logan to be the GOAT. Since then, it’s been nothing but missed playoffs and all-time choke jobs and this draft is going to do nothing to help his legacy. All three of Logan’s starting running backs were on my Do Not Draft list. McCoy, a woman beater, is on the wrong side of 30 and plays in the most anemic offense in football. Do we really trust Alex Collins, a guy with no truly elite skill, to repeat what he did in the second half of last season? And don’t get me started on Lamar Miller who didn’t have a single game last year where he rushed for over 75 yards. I was going to write-in Doug Baldwin as my Best Pick, but that was before he told the media he’ll be playing hurt for the entirety of the season. But hey, Jimmy G was a nice value! John, you should’ve drafted your own team.

Grade: F

Gronk IGT

Best Pick: Saquon Barkley (1)
Worst Pick: Robert Woods (6)

It IS possible! Hankin, who JTB and his minions wanted kicked out of the league, shut his haters up with a solid performance on Sunday. The decision to take Barkley over Alvin Kamara was the right one as he is locked in as the Giants workhorse back. He’s a special talent who, I believe, has a real chance to lead the league in rushing as a rookie a la Kareem Hunt and Ezekiel Elliott. We all know the deal with Gronk — if healthy, he’s going to put up all-time numbers at the TE position — and I am bullish on all three of Hankin’s top WR (Adam Thielen, Jarvis Landry, Chris Hogan). The problem for Hankin is his RB2 position and the answer is most definitely not on his roster currently. Eric’s going to need to get creative with a trade or hope to strike gold on the waiver wire if he wants to truly contend for a title.

Grade: B-

Old Man Rivers

Best Pick: Trey Burton (8)
Worst Pick: Tevin Coleman (5)

Maybe you shouldn’t have faced a J on my balcony right before the draft, Matt. This is one of the most boring, run-of-the-mill teams I’ve had the displeasure of grading here and I don’t see any scenario where Matt returns to the playoffs this season. Taking Devonta Freeman in the second round was a mistake — he was RB13 last year and appears to be downward trending. I’m a fan of Amari Cooper’s upside and he doesn’t have much competition for targets, but you’re taking a receiver who has disappointed early in his career at his absolute ceiling in the third round. I get you want to handcuff Freeman, but Coleman in the fifth is just way too early. Matt would have been better off taking an elite QB or a RB with more upside like Dion Lewis in that spot. Burton is one of my favorite tight ends in 2018 and should thrive playing the Travis Kelce-lite role in Matt Nagy’s offense. Sadly, it’s just not going to be enough.

Grade: C-

Callahan’s Killas

Best Pick: N/A
Worst Pick: All

Brendan is a founding member of Fashwet and has been a part of all nine FFL seasons thus far. In those nine seasons, he has just one playoff appearance. One. This is a league in which 60% of teams made the playoffs up until two years ago. A truly legendary run of futility. Sadly, he won’t be making his second playoff appearance any time soon as Brendan fell asleep at the wheel (literally) and (auto) drafted one of the most abhorrent rosters this league has ever seen. Jerrick McKinnon in the third round? I almost threw up. TyMont, the third best running back on his own team, penciled in at RB2? Beyond embarrassing. When you’re counting on Josh Gordon to stay sober and Tyler Eifert to stay healthy, I’d say you’re pretty fucked. Not even Brendan and his five-star Uber rating can drive this team anywhere but the cellar.

Grade: F-

Triple F

Best Pick: Christian McCaffrey (2)
Worst Pick: Patrick Mahomes (7)

Tim was uncharacteristically quiet on Sunday in the lead-up to his first ever FFL draft and I have to say I was worried. Thankfully, I mistook his silence for laser focus as Tim put together a solid roster and set himself up for a playoff run in his inaugural season. I’m all aboard the CMC hype train and see him putting up a monster year under new offensive coordinator Norv Turner. Zach Ertz, in my opinion, is the second best TE after Gronkowski and should put up career numbers with Burton now in Chicago and Alshon Jeffrey already dealing with a multi-week injury. Corey Davis has been a popular sleeper pick all draft season and with good reason — he shined in last year’s playoffs and should be Marcus Mariota’s go-to red zone target. The only real issue I have with Tim’s draft is his decision to take Mahomes in Round 7. I get the upside is there, but he could have gotten him or another solid QB (Wentz, Andrew Luck, Matthew Stafford, Garappolo) later on and used that pick to continue to build depth. All-in-all, a very promising debut for Triple F. Can’t wait for the first in-season promo!

Grade: B+

King James

Best Pick: Royce Freeman (4)
Worst Pick: Isaiah Crowell (5)

King James drafted a team as delectable as the $40/lb duck prosciutto he brought with him. Going into the draft, Royce Freeman was a main target of mine — sadly, due to my draft position and the shrewdness of Twig, it just wasn’t meant to be — he’s a big-bodied, three-down back who should take over as the lead dog in Denver in short order. Honestly, I don’t know what’s taken CH Vance Joseph so long to realize this kid is far and away the most talented RB on the team. Julio Jones and Michael Thomas are arguably the best one-two punch at WR in Fashwet and Travis Kelce should easily finish as a top three tight end. Running back depth, however, could prove to be an issue as I’m not sold whatsoever on Crowell (will be in RBBC with Bilal Powell) or Carlos Hyde. If James can find another back, he will be one of the favorites to win it all.

Grade: B+

The Cut Your Losses

Best Pick: Tyreek Hill (3)
Worst Pick: Evan Engram (5)

Another draft, another Anders meltdown. We’ll never forget the screams and slams of my balcony door after his computer froze and he auto-picked Alshon Jeffrey (out for at least two weeks) in the sixth round. Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t the worst pick of his draft. Engram is now the third or fourth option in a Giants offense chock-full of elite pass catchers and will undoubtedly take a step back in 2018 based on target share alone. Melvin Gordon and Kareem Hunt should have solid seasons, but can Hunt be as good as he was last year? Not likely. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I saw Devin Funchess starting in Andy’s second WR slot and Tarik Cohen, for some reason, is slotted in as his Flex. Just get it over with and trade your good players to Daddy now.

Grade: D

Swaggy G

Best Pick: Leonard Fournette (1)
Worst Pick: Allen Robinson (3)

Like Triple F, this was Griff-IN’s first ever FFL draft. Unlike Triple F, Griff-IN’s draft was less-than-stellar and that’s being nice. Allen Robinson, a player coming off a torn ACL and who is going to be catching balls from Mitchell Hackenberg, I mean, Trubisky in the third round is just depressing. What the fuck were you thinking? I thought you didn’t smoke weed, dawg. And to follow that up with Larry Fitzgerald? Did you purposely pick WR with terrible QB situations? Watson has the potential to be a top QB, but he too is coming off a torn knee. Fournette is a monster and I like him to lead all backs in tuds this season if healthy, but it’s still not enough to save G-IN from missing the playoffs in yet another league.

Grade: D-

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