Commissioner DeSimone’s Draft Grades

Good luck, boys!

Social Justice Warriors

Best Pick: All
Worst Pick: N/A

Let’s take a second to look at what I’ve accomplished on my historic run over the last three years:

2014 – 10-3 (No. 1 overall seed)
2015 – 10-3 (won FFL championship)
2016 – 11-2 (No. 1 overall seed)

Just, wow. And after yet another perfect draft, I’m showing no signs of slowing down. I can play match-ups with Russell Wilson and Andrew Luck, I have Jordan Howard and Christian McCaffrey leading the way in my backfield and my depth at WR is unparalleled (A.J. Green, DeAndre Hopkins, Tyreek Hill). Yeah, it’s going to be another 10+ win season for the Commish.

Grade: A+

King James

Best Pick: Marcus Mariota (8)
Worst Pick: Demaryius Thomas (2)

After losing to DAN in the Wild Card Round of the FLB playoffs, King James’ week got even worse with a poor showing in the FFL Draft. David Johnson first overall is a no-brainer, but to come back in the second round and take Thomas over the likes of Amari Cooper and Terrelle Pryor Sr. makes no sense to me. The rest of his draft was more of the same as he continued to select boring, low-upside players such as Davante Adams, Kelvin Benjamin and Robert Kelley. I’m a huge fan of Marcus Mariota and believe he finishes the year as a top five QB, but he won’t be enough to save Twig’s season from disaster.

Grade: D

The Talent Show

Best Pick: Joe Mixon (4)
Worst Pick: Eric Decker (9)

I don’t believe I’m saying this, but KG ended up with one of the best rosters in the league. He owns the league’s number one tight end (Rob Gronkowski) and best one-two punch at RB (Le’Veon Bell, Mixon). His top two wideouts, Terrelle Pryor Sr. and Martavis Bryant, should also put up big numbers in 2017. My problem with the selection of Eric Decker isn’t the player (I expect Decker to have a nice little season), but with who KG passed up. He should have selected Mariota, as his current QB situation is a hot mess. If KG can figure out QB, he has a real shot to end up with the belt around his waist come Christmas.

Grade: A

Lieutenant DAN

Best Pick: Travis Kelce (5)
Worst Pick: Bilal Powell (4)

Mr. Bootlemann owns the top QB in fantasy (Aaron Rodgers), the best WR1-WR2 combo in the league (Antonio Brown, Doug Baldwin) and a top three TE in Travis Kelce (how did he fall to the fifth round?!). However, Lieutenant DAN’s RB situation is straight-up appalling. Bilal Powell in the fourth round? Does Andy know he plays for the New York Jets? And Paul “Two Yards Per Carry” Perkins has looked terrible trying to run behind the Giants’ sub-par offensive line. Was FashDash a success? Only if Andy can figure out a way to patch together his backfield.

Grade: B

Logan Berry

Best Pick: Leonard Fournette (2)
Worst Pick: Marshawn Lynch (3)

I hate to say it, as he’s my brother (DWB4L!) and undisputed FFL GOAT, but Logan had a draft to forget on Sunday. I found it difficult to even single out my Best Pick — I love Fournette’s potential and he will be the bell cow, but he’s a rookie, plays for the Jaguars and is coming into the season with a foot injury. Marshawn Lynch is 32 years old and hasn’t played football in over a year. That is just way too much risk for me, especially in the third round. After Julio Jones, Snake’s wide receivers are Allen Robinson (another Jaguar?!) and Donte Moncrief (injury prone with an injury prone QB). And I just don’t see Cam running much at all this season with the implementation of a West Coast offense and the addition of McCaffrey, which renders him almost useless. Without multiple Snakings, Logan is destined to finish in the bottom third of the league.

Grade: D-

DONTJEWISH YOUWON

Best Pick: Amari Cooper (3)
Worst Pick: Jarvis Landry (4)

DONTJEWISH YOUWEREGOODATFANTASY? Hankin’s top two wide receivers are excellent (Jordy Nelson and Amari Cooper), but the rest of his squad leaves much to be desired. Matt Ryan is due for a regression, Theo Riddick is the worst RB2 in Fashwet and Delanie Walker is bleh. How do you take Jarvis Landry in the fourth round over players like Travis Kelce, Greg Olsen and Joe Mixon? Both the Commissioner and the Knishioner agree, this team is destined for the Consolation Bracket.

Grade: C-

Social Justice Warriors Too

Best Pick: Brandin Cooks (2)
Worst Pick: Lamar Miller (3)

I love Jason Hoffmann. I love social justice. I don’t love this team. Dak Prescott starting at QB? Woof. LeSean McCoy over Odell Beckham Jr.? I can’t even. Lamar Miller was one of fantasy football’s biggest busts in 2016, unable to handle an increased workload, but apparently Jay wasn’t paying attention. Carlos Hyde in the fourth was another head-scratcher. I do, however, like some of the RBs he took late (Ameer Abdullah, Tevin Coleman). Jay will need to get creative with trades if he wants to play past Week 13.

Grade: D

Show Me Your TD’s

Best Pick: Kareem Hunt (4)
Worst Pick: T.Y. Hilton (2)

In the midst of a surprisingly successful FLB campaign, DAN has put himself in position to contend for a FFL title after a strong draft. I’m very high on Melvin Gordon (even though he took him over OBJ) and his selections of Ty Montgomery (3) and Kareem Hunt (4) give The Korean Killer one of the deepest backfields in the league. I know T.Y. Hilton put up big numbers last year, but taking him in the second round with Andrew Luck still unable to practice is a bit risky for me (especially with Brandin Cooks and Doug Baldwin still on the board). Larry Fitzgerald and Brandon Marshall don’t have the ceilings I’d like, but are relatively low risk, especially where DAN drafted them. I think Jameis Winston takes a step forward and finishes the year as a top seven QB. He could use a slight upgrade at WR, but DAN should cruise into the playoffs.

Grade: B+

All Dawgs Go To Evans

Best Pick: Jamison Crowder (6)
Worst Pick: C.J. Anderson (5)

After missing the draft entirely last year following The Incident, Sinsy came back strong in 2017. Is this the best team in the league? No, but with some savvy moves, John could find himself in contention for a title by year’s end. Drew Brees is a top three QB and ADGTE’s WR depth (Mike Evans, Alshon Jeffrey, Jamison Crowder, Willie Snead) is second only to yours truly. Handcuffing DeMarco Murray with Derrick Henry was a WCM move, but C.J. Anderson is a player I am not too keen on. John will also need to find a way to upgrade from Jason Witten at tight end.

Grade: B-

Cry Me A Rivers

Best Pick: N/A
Worst Pick: Frank Gore (4)

Wow, Matt’s team is fucking awful. Taking Devonta Freeman over OBJ in the first was an obvious mistake, but the real trouble started in round three when he took Michael Crabtree about 15 spots too soon. I didn’t think it could get any worse, but Matt never ceases to amaze, as he went on to draft 34-year-old Frank Gore in the fourth cementing his inevitable last place finish. Oh, and Matthew Stafford’s his QB. Good luck touring with The Orangutans, idiot.

Grade: F

Keenan and El

Best Pick: Ezekiel Elliot (2)
Worst Pick: Adrian Peterson (5)

Talk about all the breaks! The Rat gets gifted Odell Beckham Jr. at 10th overall thanks to you idiots and Ezekiel Elliot, who JTB took early in the second round, now looks as though he will win his appeal against the NFL. Thankfully, The Flake made some mistakes which included Keenan “The Walking Injury” Allen (3), Peterson (he also drafted Jamaal Charles, let’s party like it’s 2012!) and drafting McFadden about three rounds too early. He could use a slight upgrade at QB (Kirk Cousins) and TE (Hunter Henry), but overall JTB has one of the best squads in Fashwet.

Grade: A

A Hero Fashwet Deserves

Best Pick: Tom Brady (4)
Worst Pick: Cameron Meredith (7)

Brendan has a decent Core Four in Tom Brady, Jay Ajayi, Dez Bryant and Jordan Reed (although I would have preferred Travis Kelce/Greg Olsen over the latter), but I’m not feeling the rest of his roster. Emmanuel Sanders as your WR2? No, thank you. DeSean Jackson as your Flex? I just Bootlemann’d. Listen, it could’ve been worse, especially after drafting a player on IR in Round 7 (HAHAHAHAHA), but Brendan is going to need to WCM his ass off if he wants to squeak into the playoffs.

Grade: C

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